Title: Alchemist

Gender: Male

Age: 24

Sun Sign: Aries

Chinese Sign: Wood Rat

Location: Bethesda, MD

Well, there's a lot to the “story of me”, too much to sum up, but I'll give everyone a general idea of some of the path that led me to this community.

Like many here, I've been a seeker my entire life.

Now, have I found my answers? Maybe a few, but I still feel stuck in limbo most of the time.

Existential anxiety is a powerful thing, but I also believe (hope) that it is a gift too.

If I'm honest with myself, I would say I've suffered intense anxiety my entire life. However, it wasn't until my senior of highschool that I was diagnosed with a panic disorder associated with agoraphobia. It was a miserable time, full of ups and downs between periods of anxiety, depression, feeling like I was going insane, etc. etc. The world seemed surreal, like a dream. Psychologists call this depersonalization. I felt like I didn't know who I was, a stranger to myself. I watched the world and my interactions with it like a movie. The resistance I put up to these feelings didn't help things. So, I went on medication…things got a little bit better, and I tried to live my life as a “normal” person. Then I went off the medicine, did some stupid things (maybe I'll discuss them later in my blog), and had to go back on it. This cycle has continued up until now.

Finally, I sought true help, and stopped telling myself that I just had a disease for which the only cure was this medicine. I'd dabbled in philosophy and psychology for years, (ironically enough, my first intense panic attack was during my AP Psych. exam). But for the most part it was just more mind food, or stuff for my ego to reinforce it's illusory position.

So I began seeing a therapist who has become a great spiritual teacher. I read several books that changed my life, among them the following: anything by Carl Jung, but especially The Undiscovered Self and the Symbols and Interpetations of Dreams, Owning Your Own Shadow by Robert Johnson, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle (who I see is nicely represented here) and The Bible, cover to cover outside of an organized church setting. Synchronicities began pouring in.

Since then I've continued on my path and continue to seek answers. I'm still up and down, the anxiety is still there. But I understand it better, and try to use it as a tool to grow. I hope to use this site to connect with other spiritual seekers and share my own experiences. 

Member Since: Sunday, April 15 2007

Last Visit: 151 days ago.

Profile Viewed: 516 times (last viewed less than a minute ago)